good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
