he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
