Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
is wine microwaveable?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I would fuck him just for his dog
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
