We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
