For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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