I just cut my nipple shaving
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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