I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she smelled like a LAN party
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
