I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
