I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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