theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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