and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
