Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
