Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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