I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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