Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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