Texts From Last Night

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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood

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  (563): My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood http://tfl.nu/k7f1
  Replies (1) Good night (1276) Bad night (1775)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.

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  (860): I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/zegq
  Replies (17) Good night (4395) Bad night (597)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every perfect package comes with a warning label.

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  (330): Every perfect package comes with a warning label. http://tfl.nu/x7rd
  Replies (25) Good night (3933) Bad night (1275)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning

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  (215): he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning http://tfl.nu/kfu4
  Replies (4) Good night (1022) Bad night (2652)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I woke up with glitter in my wounds.

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  (778): I woke up with glitter in my wounds. http://tfl.nu/r4io
  Replies (11) Good night (2296) Bad night (1190)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together

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  (216): Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together http://tfl.nu/si4s
  Replies (2) Good night (1438) Bad night (794)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.

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  (248): It's fine...I've done worse things to better people. http://tfl.nu/e0kr
  Replies (3) Good night (1888) Bad night (746)
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  (760): View more from California

  I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart

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  (760): I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart http://tfl.nu/0amr
  Replies (7) Good night (1087) Bad night (593)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's like the blind leading the senile over here.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.

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  (541): It's like the blind leading the senile over here. (541): UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili. http://tfl.nu/cgpf
  Replies (7) Good night (2108) Bad night (1224)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.

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  (325): She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin. http://tfl.nu/rsir
  Replies (7) Good night (813) Bad night (531)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.

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  (309): You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable. http://tfl.nu/j22p
  Replies (1) Good night (466) Bad night (546)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.

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  (614): Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane. http://tfl.nu/2bgv
  Replies (6) Good night (1645) Bad night (356)
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  (044): View more from

  fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face

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  (044): fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face http://tfl.nu/nkp3
  Replies (1) Good night (871) Bad night (319)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys

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  (226): He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys http://tfl.nu/z52q
  Replies (1) Good night (693) Bad night (361)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.

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  (978): The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium. http://tfl.nu/pyu4
  Replies (5) Good night (580) Bad night (257)

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