so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.