I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked