it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I queefed so loud it echoed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual