Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake

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  (203): the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake http://tfl.nu/cxtf
  Replies (67) Good night (3106) Bad night (925)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand

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  (804): It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand http://tfl.nu/mvz9
  Replies (2) Good night (852) Bad night (2406)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.

  (845): View more from New York

  Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.

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  (845): I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell. (845): Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts. http://tfl.nu/04jv
  Replies (18) Good night (7401) Bad night (1033)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.

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  (616): I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon. http://tfl.nu/lqe8
  Replies (29) Good night (1242) Bad night (4070)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house

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  (931): I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house http://tfl.nu/8rln
  Replies (18) Good night (991) Bad night (5354)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?

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  (514): Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene? http://tfl.nu/zsme
  Replies (3) Good night (1097) Bad night (2973)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.

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  (317): I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do. http://tfl.nu/7c6c
  Replies (18) Good night (3583) Bad night (1071)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.

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  (480): A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it. http://tfl.nu/wob5
  Replies (11) Good night (8465) Bad night (1064)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer

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  (585): Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer http://tfl.nu/enk8
  Replies (4) Good night (2114) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?

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  (970): Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears? http://tfl.nu/m0sz
  Replies (4) Good night (800) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!

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  (209): Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!! http://tfl.nu/rqsa
  Replies (2) Good night (1014) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.

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  (316): Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom. http://tfl.nu/sl0t
  Replies (6) Good night (1589) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?

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  (859): And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck? http://tfl.nu/pzcv
  Replies (9) Good night (510) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.

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  (+61): If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that. http://tfl.nu/eyt5
  Replies (1) Good night (932) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.

  (1-818): View more from California

  Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.

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  (818): You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible. (1-818): Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins. http://tfl.nu/2adc
  Replies (2) Good night (752) Bad night (387)

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