She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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