Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.