You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.