I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence