i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
