So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
