margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
