Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
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I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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