I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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