I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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