You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
