I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
