Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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