Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
