I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Where are you guys?
Drunk
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
