I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
