she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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