She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
