Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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