I'm passing your future prison.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
