Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
