Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
