my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
