Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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