Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just had sex on a roof
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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