Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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