My hand turned me down
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
