You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
