I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
