He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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