sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
