I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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