Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
