I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
