no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
