I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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