I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
