life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
