I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
