I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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