I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
