i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
