I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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