i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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