My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
