i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
