FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
