my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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