I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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