Will you blow on my dice?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
