Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
