the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
