it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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