it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The uberlube is also flammable
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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