How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
