There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize