his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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