you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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