WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
