dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
